Scars
by Richi03
Summary: Then she remembered. Remembered the reason she'd thrown this improptu party that was currently still going on the floor above her. Remembered the reason she'd taken shot after shot, chasing each one down with the bitter taste of beer... Manny centric


_**Disclaimer:**I do not own Degrassi or Scars by Papa Roach, blah...blah...blah...you all know the drill._

_**Author's Note:** I was watching the promos for the What It Feels Like To Be A Ghost and I couldn't help but write up this song fic. I hope you all like and I can't WAIT to see what really happens on the show. It's funny...I love Craig and Manny together...but whenever I write something about them it usually ends up in them breaking up. I guess I just feel that Manny should finally stop letting him walk all over her and show him that she's not his door mat lol.  
_

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**Scars**

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And my scars remind me that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

_Drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
I'm pissed cause you came around  
Why don't you just go home  
Cause you channel all your pain  
And I can't help you fix yourself  
You're making me insane  
All I can say is_

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

Manny slowly turned to her left to see what time it was. 3:17 AM the neon numbers shone at her through her blurred vision. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to keep the room from spinning so much and then glanced over at the owner of the arm that was currently draped over her flat stomach.

"Ugh," Manny groaned, gingerly removing the arm from her stomach, as she noticed the Joe...or maybe it was Jack, had passed out. It saddened her that she couldn't even remember his name and she had so easily given something to him when she would probably never speak to him again. She heard her phone go off and the familiar words of "Love Shack" entered her ears.

Craig.

Shit.

He would definetly hate her for this. He would never speak to her again. He'd break up with her. The end. Finite.

Then she remembered. Remembered the reason she'd thrown this improptu party that was currently still going on the floor above her. Remembered the reason she'd taken shot after shot, chasing each one down with the bitter taste of beer, that after awhile wasn't so bitter but a more sweet and comforting. Remembered teh reason she'd let herself be led down into the room she shared with Emma by this random guy who she'd barely spoken to for more than two minutes. The reason she'd let him take her clothes off of her, touching her in places only Craig's calloused hands had touched. The reason she'd had tears in her eyes the entire time.

Craig didn't want her anymore. She'd been traded in for a red-head, who was chronically feeling sorry for herself. Traded in for some plaid skirt wearing, black make-up is my friend, pasty little emo chick.

Craig was home, for good. He'd left the music buisness, temporarily, to get cleaned up and finish high school. When Manny had walked in on Craig shoving white powder up his nose, she knew he needed help. She'd been the one to stay up with him that first night he went off the drugs, holding his hand as his body shook with tremors and sweat rolled down his face from the withdrawal. She'd been the one to make sure he went to his 12 step meetings and was taking his meds. She'd been the one to worry over whether he would relapse and be lost to her forever. Now she had lost him and not because of the cocaine.

They'd had plans, sure she was a little early, but he'd promised he was taking her somewhere fancy to celebrate their one year anniversary and she was really excited. Things were finally going smoothly, he'd been clean for two straight months and they were, in Manny's mind, the cutest couple at Degrassi. She walked into the garage and what she saw had the silk, black shawl Emma had loaned her falling carelessly off her small shoulders to the ground.

Craig was currently, half-dressed, on top of Ellie Nash, their moans filling the small garage. Her eyes flicked from the pair to the old coffee table where she saw the little baggie of white substance. The raven-haired beauty hadn't waited around for an explanation.

_I tried to help you once  
Against my own advice  
I saw you going down  
But you never realized  
That you're drowning in the water  
So I offered you a hand  
Compassion is in my nature_

_Tonight is our last stand  
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness if that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_

That had been three days ago. Three days since she'd last talked to him, three days since she'd last smiled. He had called, yes, he'd called countless times leaving dozens of messages with a million excuses and even more lies. He'd even showed up at the Simpson-Nelson house, but Emma simply slammed the door in his face, leaving him standing there his hands shoved in the front pockets of his perfectly torn and faded jeans. He stood there staring at the door, as Manny stared at him from the upstairs window, tears streaming down her frail freatures.

The enebriated young girl, clumsily, tumbled out of bed, throwing a t-shirt and jeans on her naked body. She stumbled over to where her phone layed on the ground and plopped down next to it. Her thoughts were mixed and racing through her mind in a drunken frenzy. Different thoughts of Craig and the tumultuous relationship they had had flashing through her mind. She gingerly traced the scar on her otherwise perfect stomach and thought of the baby they had made, then lost. She thought of how he'd abandoned her when she'd needed him most and how she'd always forgiven him. Always taken him back.

Not this time, but...her fingers had a mind of their own. Her hand held the phone as her eyes stared down at it. His ring tone started up again. She didn't answer it, she couldn't. Her grip tightened on the vibrating phone and she felt a tear fall down her cold cheek. Her phone beeped indicating one new voicemail. She flipped her phone open, with fumbling hands, and saw she had nine missed called and five new voice messages.

While she had been busy fucking some stranger, he'd been trying to call her.

No.

No, she would NOT feel guilty. There was no reason for her guilt.

But still...she felt it.

Before she knew what she was doing, her fingers had punched in the familiar number and the phone was being held up to her ear. On the first ring he answered with a frantic, "MANNY?" But she couldn't say anything, she let out only a muffled sob.

"Manny, please don't hang up," Craig's tortured voice begged over the static.

"Why?" She whispered, so softly that she was sure he hadn't heard her, but he had.

"Because I'm sorry. Because I love you. Because I can't live without you. Manny, please."

"No. No. No. I meant...I mean why did you do it? Craig? Our anniversary..." her words were a slurred plea for him to make her understand. She wanted him to make her forgive him...to make her forget that she should hate him.

"Oh, God, Manny...I don't know," he said and she could see in her head the way he must be sitting slumped over on the couch, his dark curls falling in his eyes.

"That's not good enough. Please...I need a reason, Craig. Just give me a reason," she begged him, even though she knew he didn't really have one. He never really did.

There was a pause on the other end and for a moment she thought he would be a coward; that he would come up with more excuses...more lies.

"I don't have one. Joey and I had a fight...I'm weak, Manny. I always have been. I couldn't fight the pull of the drugs. Ellie came over and found me over the table, doing the coke...and...she...I mean...we...I just got so caught up in her. I'm so sorry for hurting you, I never wanted to. She means nothing to me, Manny, I swear. She means nothing," his words came out broken and she could feel herself forgiving him, just as she always forgave him.

"You haven't done any drugs since, have you?" She asked, cautious.

"No," was his short reply, and she could tell it was a lie...but she ignored her gut.

"And...you'll never...I mean, with you and Ellie. It'll never happen again?" Her voice was small and scared.

"No, Manny, I swear," she could hear the hope in his voice and what little resistance she had left, quickly melted away.

"Okay," she whispered.

_I'm drunk and I'm feeling down  
And I just wanna be alone  
You shouldn't ever come around  
Why don't you just go home?  
Cause you're drowning in the water  
And I tried to grab your hand  
And I left my heart open  
But you didn't understand  
(But you didn't understand)  
Now fix yourself_

_I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry, but I gotta move on with my own life  
I can't help you fix yourself  
But at least I can say I tried  
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life_

"You mean...I mean...are we?" Craig trailed off, unsure of her one word.

"I'll probably hate myself for it, but I can't stop loving you," she slurred.

"I love you, too, Manny. So much. I-" his words were cut off by a voice in the background.

"Craig? Craig, are you gonna come back to bed?" A sleep-filled, female voice entered Manny's ears.

"You bastard," was all Manny said, before handing up the phone and throwing it violently against the wall. She curled up in a ball on the cold floor and shook with sobs. Her broken heart could be heard throughout the house.

She couldn't keep trying to fix him, she couldn't keep trying to convince herself he loved her. She finally needed to move on with her own life and find someone who truly loved her back, but the dark, curly haired rock star would never truly leave her heart...and she hated him for it.

_I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut  
My weakness is that I care too much  
And our scars remind us that the past is real  
I tear my heart open just to feel_


End file.
